Zero Gravity: The Story of How I Became Weightless while Representing Nepal in Space Fashion

Description: Still images of Jagriti in Zero Gravity experiencing weightlessness

(Credit: Jagriti Luitel and Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp)

(Click on one image to view as a slide show)

The floor disappeared from underneath me. My body slowly started to rise to the ceiling. My hair flowed in all three dimensions. The bright red rhododendron flowers on my body began to blossom. My heart felt grateful. My head felt present. I was in the flow state. I was free.

I was alive.

Even further, I was weightless. I was experiencing zero gravity while representing my culture, the Nepalese heritage, in Space Fashion.

If you had asked me where I thought I would be one year ago, this would have never been my answer. Last year was the most challenging year of my life. And in overcoming those adversities, I had created something new for the world.

It is often said, "The unlived life can make us sick." This is the story of how I started truly living again. And how it fixed my soul.

Through bringing creative ideas that didn't exist before, such as this project into life, I have learned that conquering the endeavor alone is not enough. We must conquer ourselves first.

To the person reading this, if you are only eager to find out about the actual project and its details, you can skip to "The Redemption" section. The posters there will tell you what the project is and a little bit about how I conquered it. However, if you want to learn how I conquered myself first, please continue reading...

Chapter 1: The Beginning

Chapter 2: Move to Canada

Chapter 3: The Dark Year

Chapter 4: The Redemption

Chapter 5: The Plot Twist

Chapter 6: Dream Come True

Chapter 7: Trip to New York

Chapter 8: The Shoot

Chapter 9: Back Home

Chapter 10: Boston Days

Chapter 11: The Day Before Flight

Chapter 12: Zero Gravity Flight Day

Chapter 13: Inside the Plane

Chapter 14: Jagriti is now Weightless

Chapter 15: Inspiring Girls

Chapter 16: Back to Normality?

Chapter 17: Lessons

Chapter 18: Thank you

Chapter 1: The Beginning

Description: Jagriti at nine years old (Credit: Jagriti)

It all began when I was around nine years old. I was obsessed with becoming an astronaut and spent countless hours researching what it took. During that process, I came across the term "vomit comet," which describes zero-gravity flights. This made my child self giggle and amused. I was in Nepal at the time, a country that had barely any scope in the aerospace field, let alone getting to experience weightlessness in my lifetime.

I still vividly remember the fire that ignited within me around that age. In my daydreaming, I felt that one day, I would do everything possible to make it happen. The universe seems to conspire to make way for our true desires somehow.

I say this because even if an incident might seem catastrophic in the short term, there always seems to be a silver lining.

This happened in 2015 when a 7.8-magnitude earthquake hit Nepal. The quake took an estimated 9,000 lives and caused around 10 billion dollars worth of devastation. This incident catalyzed my family’s move to Canada in 2017.

I was only about 15 years old.

Chapter 2: Move to Canada

As soon I got here, I realized I had been given an enormous gift. The gift was perspective. Living in an underdeveloped country without opportunities made me hyperaware of any opportunities I saw in Canada. Since I got here, a country where becoming an astronaut was now a possibility, I worked towards my pilot’s license, did Martian atmosphere research, became a part of Air Cadets, debated nationally, founded, led and executed a High-Altitude Balloon Project, did skydiving and aerobatic flights, worked on satellites, wore an IVA spacesuit, became a national aerospace fellow, did four aerospace internships, gave workshops in Nepal to 120+ students and much more.

All of these accomplishments were possible only due to a keen eye for not only seeking opportunities but also actively creating them.

I must also credit my parents for their immense sacrifices in allowing me to have these opportunities in the first place. An example is when we first arrived in Canada in late 2017. My dad immediately started a new master's program even though he already had one from Nepal. Seeing him go back to school in his fifties was a testament to human being's neuroplasticity and a visual reminder to myself that anything is possible. And my mom shows me day in and day out the value of silent sacrifices. She is the invisible pillar behind the triumphs my dad, sister (who now works at Microsoft), and I have had.

It is said that suffering together is one of the most significant forms of bonding in human relationships. The adversity of the earthquake, the immigration, and then the instability of settling into a new country created an unbreakable bond between the four of us. I would not be here if it were not for this bond. So, I am eternally grateful to my mom, dad, and sister, each an integral part of my loving family. They have shown me what it looks like to have the courage to live life from the inside out instead of the outside in. They gave me the time and space to realize that it would be a challenging voyage but the only one worth the adventure that is my life.

Encouraging me to live MY life, not anyone else’s.

I believe more people should credit love for their successes. Without that baseline stability, taking risks in our personal and professional lives is incredibly difficult. 

Chapter 3: The Dark Year

Despite the successes, my undergraduate journey hasn’t always been roses and butterflies. Many hardships and obstacles have tainted it, some of which I never believed I would overcome.

As mentioned in the beginning, one such was the year 2023. The darkest year of my life thus far. I know I am just 22, but last year taught me what rock bottom truly means. It was a level of low that I didn’t even know was possible, and I could not find a way out for a year. I will not get into the details of what happened, but the close and important people in my life know. All I will say is that it relates to misbehavior towards women in the aerospace sector (which I will probably write about later in life), combined with health issues within close family members combined with more personal and professional challenges.

This combination made me reevaluate everything about my life.

After accomplishing so much in undergrad, the pain of last year compelled me to return to the drawing board. I felt compelled to reanalyze every significant decision in my life.

I agonized over a way out for months. By the end of the year, though, I somehow got through it with a combination of rock-solid, loving friendships, making art, hours of visits to multiple therapists, writing a lot (most of my other blogs were written during this time), being in nature, and exercising vast amounts of courage and having the humility to understand that there can be meaning in suffering.

One change this brought on was switching my major. I was in Mechanical Engineering and then in Computer Science for the three years of my undergraduate studies, during which I completed three aerospace engineering internships. However, last year made me reevaluate if I was on the right path. Although I had become a poster child for women in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) due to my High Altitude Balloon project, based on everything I had seen until then, it did not feel like it would be worth the struggle and the uphill battle my career in STEM would become. Especially after so many sacrifices, I owed my parents and, more importantly, myself to be happy and peaceful and not constantly hurt.

So, in an unprecedented and unexpected series of events, I switched to a new major in Media Arts and Culture in the Faculty of Arts. At the time, I was terrified of this decision and its implications for my career. But drawing from the lessons above, it is clear that if you want to live your life and not someone else’s, you will continuously have to make courageous decisions that might seem impossible.

While making this decision, I also started thinking of all the other students I had met in STEM who had been in it because they thought that was the only way they would succeed in the world. I found this to be especially true in my Computer Science classes. So many students go into it without a twinkle in their eyes.

I know a solid economic case exists for a stable, well-paid career.

But is it worth it if their life is miserable and ultimately unfulfilling? I wondered to myself.

This is not to say that STEM is bad. I have been in love with it for as long as I can remember. However, what bothers me is the reality check, which states that most students do not feel they have a choice regarding choosing a path based on knowing who they are versus what they should be doing.

An unexamined life is a dangerous life. If the answer is a certain path after carefully examining the self, it is probably the path for you. Otherwise, it could be a life of upstream swimming.

However, in saying this, I must also acknowledge that although I introspect and journal a lot, it took an unfathomable level of pain to let go of the current societal messaging and make decisions based on my inner voice. It isn't easy, and I am unsure if willpower and the realization that it is important is enough to nudge us to act this way. So, I am not trying to advise someone to do this, but it is a meaningful conversation and dialogue I believe we need to have on a societal level.

Personally, sitting here one year later, I can only say that it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I had questions about employability, other people’s perceptions of me, and credibility around my future goals. But the alignment I feel with my purpose seems to reduce the friction, not add to it.

The Zero Gravity project is a manifestation of this alignment.

I want to insert a quote by Brianna Wiest here, which I believe perfectly encapsulates the essence of what I am trying to convey:

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked and understood. It doesn’t matter. The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. You’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. Instead of being liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of being understood, you’re going to be seen. All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.”

So, by the end of December 2023, I had switched my major to Media Arts and Culture and overcame some of the most significant traumatic incidences in my life.

An uncertain future loomed before me.

Full of fear and full of possibilities.

At the time, the trauma had also severed my relationship with aerospace altogether. I had also started considering quitting that based on all the negative experiences. The difficulty was that my mind-body system had started associating STEM and aerospace with unsafety, so putting myself back into it felt like willingly putting myself back in danger. Of course, I wasn’t in danger, but our limbic system, designed for survival, often cannot differentiate.

I also want to mention a small detail here. I had also applied to go to space a year before through an organization called SpaceforHumanity. Amid my struggles, I discovered that I had made it into the semifinals, which I was told was around the top 20 out of around 3000 people worldwide. It was a very confusing time for me. I was getting closer to my dream of someday going to space more than ever and simultaneously getting more repelled by it. My nervous system was completely overwhelmed trying to navigate such an intense contrast of extreme experiences.

I often wondered to myself, is it possible for the fire of our passions to burn so bright that it burns us in turn?

Around this time, I also realized that my current levels of consciousness couldn’t solve the current levels of my problems. So, I had to do things that elevated my consciousness. So, I looked into ancient wisdom and spirituality—not necessarily religion but spirituality. I started reading the Bhagwat Gita, an ancient Hindu scripture that offers insights into the internal conflicts of life, themes of selfless actions, detachment from outcome, and so much more. It illuminated my perspectives and the way I looked at the world. It elevated my consciousness.

Reading this book has played a vital role in bringing the Zero-G project to fruition, which I will discuss later.

If interested, you can read my book reflection on it here: https://www.jagritiluitel.com/post/a-journey-of-awakening-reflecting-on-the-bhagavad-gita

So, at the end of 2023, I was looking to heal my relationship with aerospace again. Then, I was reminded of a coffee chat with the Executive Director of SpaceforHumanity, Racheal Lyons. She recommended an online leadership course called SpaceKind to me. It is for people in the new space age. I was ready to try anything to feel like myself in aerospace again.

The mission of the course is the following:

It is not enough to reach the stars; who we are when we reach them is just as important.

It is important to explore our inner space before we get to outer space.

Retrospectively looking, I needed a sense of community and belonging. So, I decided to attend the course in January instead of at the end of my undergrad. To reconnect with my undeniable passion for space, I was ready to put everything I had into that course.

Like my life depended on it.

Unironically, I think it did.

Chapter 4: The Redemption

The course, started by Loretta Whitesides, completely changed my life and perspective. We all cried, laughed, and talked about impending mortality, what it truly means to dream big, and, most importantly, what it means to be a human being on the trajectory of our civilization. How is space the next natural frontier on this journey? The sense of community and the shared lessons were truly healing and became precisely and even more than what I needed at the time. It showed me I am not alone; my voice matters, and I have increased resilience because I felt loved and accepted for who I am.

In that course, I also met the person with whom I did the Zero-Gravity Space Fashion project. Deborah Won. During the introduction to the course, I was immediately struck by her aura and mission. I remember her saying something like, “I am a fashion designer. I recently pivoted into weightless space fashion through my new startup, Pisces Rising. My mission is to make people feel beautiful.” As soon as I heard this, I remembered telling myself that she was someone I wanted to connect with. What a courageous and passionate person. And that is precisely what I did. I had gotten the idea of collaborating with Deborah on a zero-gravity space fashion project right there and then.

Description: A collage of Deborah Won immersed in her SpaceWear work (Created by Deborah)

Description: The PiscesRising Brand Information (Created by Deborah)

But I had no idea what I had in store for what I would need to do to bring this to reality. Maybe being naïve does have some benefits. You don’t know what you don’t know, and more importantly, you don’t know how hard it is going to be.

Before I continue the story, I will introduce the various organizations involved in this endeavor and describe their roles so that it is easier to understand how the project came to be. I use these organizations throughout the rest of the story.

Description: Information regarding each organization involved in the project (Created by Jagriti)

Now, it is essential to mention that I am a Zenith Fellow. It is a prestigious national aerospace fellowship founded and led by Hira Nadeem and her team to uplift underrepresented groups in the Canadian aerospace industry. I was selected for the inaugural class of 2022 during the second year of my undergraduate degree. The fellowship significantly impacted me and gave me lifelong friends and a sense of community. However, since I got it so early in undergrad, I still had a lot of growth and deeper learning before I approached the end of my undergrad.

I also applied to the Brooke Owens Fellowship (a similar fellowship based in the US) in my second and third years of undergrad. I made it to the finals stage twice but not to the fellowship stage. That is a whole story in and of itself, but one thing I did do was make meaningful connections even throughout the experience. In one of my final interviews, I had been selected to interview with Aurelia. I was obsessed with the company’s mission and was saddened that I couldn’t intern there. However, I kept a point of contact who will be critical in the Zero-G experience later.

I am also inserting Aurelia's description so that it is easier to understand moving forward:

Description: Information regarding the Aurelia Institute (Created by Jagriti)

Credit: Photos taken from the https://www.aureliainstitute.org/ website, group picture credit: Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp

In 2023, Zenith collaborated with Aurelia on Aurelia's Horizons program, which seeks people from diverse backgrounds to go on a Zero-G flight to represent life in space in the future. It felt like a second chance at getting involved with my dream company, Aurelia, in other ways and getting one of my dreams from the list of things I wanted to accomplish during undergrad. So, during my internship in Montreal, I decided to go all-in into this project and try to get the spot.

However, the process was more convoluted than I had expected. Looking back, I realize that for me the first time trying to get the Zero-G flight through the Zenith Fellowship was more of a validation-seeking endeavor than something authentic. It would tell me I still had worth because, look, someone just selected me for something incredible. This is sometimes the dark side of high achievers. It is a constant battle to fill a void deep within us. I also feel that that was the year I had to learn and ask myself, “Who is Jagriti when she is not achieving?” where else might her confidence and self-worth lie?

The following year would be grueling trying to answer this question.

I ended up not getting the spot that year.

Now, back in 2024, I had taken the SpaceKind course, I had met Deborah, and Zenith had opened their call for applications for the second year for a collaboration with Aurelia. Somehow, I felt like this year would be different. I had grown so much as a person, and unlike last year, I could offer something concrete and contribute instead of viewing it as something for external validation. I had rebuilt my self-confidence and self-worth brick by brick at that point. At the same time, my classes and professors in Media Arts and Culture were also expanding my mind beyond my wildest expectations.

I was ready.

With a renewed sense of possibility, I was ready to attempt to make my Zero-G dream happen again.

I immediately set up a call with Deborah and told her about the opportunity. Her excited reaction made me feel as though we were onto something remarkable. I had been craving this feeling since my weather balloon project in 2021. I told her I could not guarantee we would get this, but I assured her that I would give it everything I had. After that conversation, I got to work. The work part was way more challenging. It was agonizing.

How would I propose something that could produce vertical progress instead of horizontal progress?

Integrating this concept was important to me. I want to expand on it based on a book I read by Peter Theil, “Zero to One.”

“Going from zero to one means going from nothing to something. This is the greatest leap possible — greater than going from one to 10 or even from one to 100. To go from zero to one is to conjure something into existence from the dark void of oblivion. This is the essence of true innovation.”

That is what I wanted to do with my project. To innovate. To create something truly new. Truly novel.

After discussions with Deborah, I proposed the following project:

Description: Explaining the essence of the project. (Created by Jagriti)

Description: Explaining why it matters for Nepal (Created by Jagriti)

Description: Explaining why it matters for the future of Space (Created by Jagriti)

Description: Explaining why it matters for High Fashion (Created by Jagriti)

There was a small problem, however. This year, upon Aurelia's request, Zenith's leadership decided they would generally prefer not to accept new proposals. Instead, they wanted to pick someone based on their story, representation, and what this opportunity would mean to them. In the usual sense of a rebel, I decided to submit a proposal anyway. I was putting everything I could into creating a pitch document. This was a risky decision.

It was scary.

I felt vulnerable.

As I was doing this, I also decided to set up a call with the person who was chosen last year for the flight. I wanted to learn from them. They generously gave me time and answered all my questions. The meeting was wonderful because I admired them as a person and a peer. When I asked them what made them stand out, they mentioned they didn’t worry much about it. It was interesting to hear their mindset and philosophy. However, after the meeting, I had a bit of a crisis. Their carefree attitude was so admirable to me that I wondered if that was the kind of attitude it took. Not the "try hard" and get it done at any cost that I possessed.

Not that they didn’t do their best, but I questioned if who I was would be the main barrier to getting what I wanted and needed. But I knew if I were going to get the opportunity, I would have to do it by being myself. The alternative is self-betrayal and a weakening of the self, even if I got the chance which I am never willing to do.

I think this also relates to my point about understanding the value of opportunities in the beginning. I put so much pressure on myself because I value them so much. Nothing about my personality in the career category is chill. Nothing about it is going with the flow. I also talked about this to my dad afterward. He told me to hold on to my true essence and not change who I am, even if it means letting go of some dream for now.

I gained clarity. Who we become in the pursuit of something is far more important than the pursuit.

This was very interesting to me. I later thought about it more. The anxiety of putting 15+ hours into an application of 15 minutes often felt very stupid. That is precisely when I had to revisit reading the spiritual book, the Bhagwat Gita. One of the central teachings in the book is to detach from the outcome. Our purpose is to act to the best of our ability and not expect the result. It is taking satisfaction in the “doing” of something. Not in the “getting” of something. Then I promised myself that I would put the 15 hours into something that seeks 15 minutes, not because I would get the Zero-Gravity flight but because this is who I am. I believe in excellence. Like I said before, who I become when applying is more important than what I get out of it.

It was incredibly hard to do this. I realized that doing this would either make me the most genius, foresighted person or the most stupid person. There was no in-between. The line dividing the two seems to be very thin. And we often let other people determine where it lies. I now understand why Steve Jobs said to"Stay hungry. Stay foolish." I would still be living life from the inside out, though. Maybe because of that, I had already won.

Since I created a scenario where I would win even if I lost.

So, I finished the application feeling vulnerable and stupid. Even as I submitted it to Zenith, I told my dad the night before I knew I would not get it, but I would apply anyway. I said this because I had been noticing a trend that permeates our political and cultural landscape in Canada quite pervasively these days. It is the tension between egalitarianism and greatness. How do we balance the two? Especially in DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) and meritocracy. Is it possible for me to believe in both? If I were to pick one, though, I would pick meritocracy, but would I be here if I didn’t benefit from the countless efforts of people who have allowed me to have these opportunities?

Zenith and Aurelia both exist on the beliefs of DEI. Yet, vertical progress required me to let go of it momentarily and focus solely on the quality of my work. I truly do not know the answer here. If you are reading this and have any insight, I would love your input.

After applying, a few weeks went by. We were supposed to know the results by the upcoming weekend. I started focusing on other things to distract myself. I decided to stay over at a friend’s place to delay having to think about the results. I got home on Monday morning, and I opened my email. The first word read “Unfortunately,” and my heart sank. I had been rejected. I had failed a second time. I had told my mom a few days prior, “I know I am not going to get it, and it is going to hurt anyway.” What I had said had come true. It hurt to know that even this year, I couldn’t fly on my dream Zero Gravity flight. I even waited a week to tell Deborah. I was a little ashamed that my conviction didn’t hold the value I wanted it to have.

This could have been the end.

But, of course, it is not. I did fly on the Zero-G flight.

So, what happened?

Chapter 5: The Plot Twist 

What you do the moment right after you fail defines who you are.

For the next few weeks, I tried to accept that I had failed again. But the more I tried to accept reality, the more my brain or intuition rejected it. So, I went on a run when a few thoughts came.

Is this really the end? I asked myself. Have I really done everything I could have?

The answer came out to be a no.

During this time, I remembered another quote, ”if it is over, I have won. If I haven’t won yet, it is not over.”

And for me, it was not over.

Excited, I immediately came home and set up another meeting with Deborah, of course, to tell her that I didn’t get the opportunity. The meeting was cordial but ended with a conversation about other methods and how we might still get it done. I then remembered my connection with Annika from the Aurelia Institute. I connected with her over a year ago during my finals of the Brooke Owens fellowship. She was an intern there during her PhD. She was kind enough to guide me through my interview prep and answer my questions. Although the internship did not pan out, she would be pivotal in materializing the Zero-G flight opportunity for me.

Deborah and I then decided to contact Aurelia directly. I had already done the work of thinking and materializing for the pitch to the Zenith Fellowship. I contacted Annika over LinkedIn to set up a meeting regarding that. The book “The Startup of You” gave me the right mindset to think about myself as a startup and hone skills like networking and risk-taking in the ever-changing landscape of the new technological era. I highly recommend the book to anyone navigating work-life in this new era. This book gave me the tools to understand how to navigate the next steps for pitching.

After I sent the meeting request to her, she was kind enough to agree to take it on. During the meeting, I pitched her the project idea for a potential Zero-G flight in the next year or so. However, she already seemed quite impressed with the pitch, and I remember her saying, “The fact that you have created something written to show and have thought through all the details is quite admirable.” Deborah's incredible work also made my pitch document very strong at the time. Annika then told me she wasn’t the main person managing the Horizon flights but would discuss it with the rest of the team and let me know soon.

By then, I was pretty tired and burnt out. After the meeting with Annika, I took a nap immediately after. I also sent her the pitch deck I had created.

Just before the nap, I told myself, “Now, I have truly done everything I can.” In my own eyes, I had finally become successful by that point. And I had been faithful to who I was.

So, I finally let the thing go in my head. It was cathartic in many ways because I could finally let go of this dream mentally and feel satisfied that I gave it my absolute everything.

Yet again, as mentioned in the Bhagwat Gita, I detached from the outcome.

Then, that Wednesday evening ended, and I went to bed relaxed and satisfied. The following day, I woke up and thought it would be a typical day. Little did I know what was about to happen.

Chapter 6: Dream Come True

I opened my email and saw Annika’s. It said, “Hi Jagriti, I just wanted to let you know that I sent your pitch deck to our CEO this morning, and she loved it so much that we want to offer you a Zero-G flight on our Horizon Program on May 18, 2024.”

I was stunned. I could not believe it. I was frozen solid. Then, I felt myself floating from my bed. Was I weightless already? I do not know.

With my words, collaboration, and conviction, I had made something worth $10,000?!

I also want to mention a little detail here. Last year had been an incredibly challenging year for my family. My mom’s health had been rapidly deteriorating, which led us as a family to decide that she would go to Nepal for some months. My mom had been the closest pillar of support in my dreams since birth, especially when we first came to Canada. Momentarily, losing her during this entire time was incredibly difficult. But then my dad stepped up in a way only family can. He did not allow me to feel my mom's absence during this time. Without his relentless support, I wouldn’t have been able to make anything like this happen.

So, thank you, Dad, for believing in me more than I believe in myself.

We did it.

 Description: Jagriti and her dad look at each other with happiness and excitement (Credit: Jagriti)

I then called dad and told him the news. He was so ecstatic we both started dancing and screaming on the spot. He told me, “You didn’t give up; you didn’t give up.”

I felt so much then that I could not put it into words.

I then called Deborah. We both started screaming again. It was one of those moments that happened in slow motion.

It was everything. I had fulfilled one of little Jagriti’s and Deborah's dreams, which came true. I am so proud of myself and grateful to Deborah for trusting me.

After a while of celebration, reality hit us: We have less than two months to bring this project to fruition. Deborah and I got to work. It was like a relay race. I got us to this point; now, Deborah would lead us in making the actual garment happen.

We started with the concept designs. Deborah created some initial concepts and sent them for me to review. I started on the essence behind the dress, representing Nepalese rhododendrons in space.

I would wake up early and review her concepts, and then we would meet around 8 am.

Description: Concept designs sent to Jagriti by Deborah (All created by Deborah) Please swipe to see more.

During this time, Deborah had to figure out childcare responsibilities, which was admirable. She would sometimes attend the meetings with her young daughter. Seeing a mother trying to balance her life passions and motherly role was incredibly touching to me. It added to my fire for the project.

During this process, she asked me to take pictures of body proportions and get my tailoring in. This process was quite hectic because I also had a 5-course workload and other projects on the side I was working on.

But the drive to dig myself out of last year's hole was powerful, propelling me to make everything happen. And everything I did make happen: I took five courses with dean's list status, received a $12,500 scholarship, created a part-time internship role with Aurelia, gave an astronaut talk, and advocated with the MP's office for my citizenship process. It was a lot. I somehow got through, but it took everything out of me. The semester ended well. Although I was drained and exhausted, this project's journey was just getting started.

Then, Deborah invited me to New York for fittings and possibly a photoshoot.

I couldn't believe it.

The scope of the project just kept getting bigger and more novel.

How is a recent Nepalese immigrant to Canada flying on a Zero-G flight and going to New York City for a fashion shoot with a high-fashion designer, photographer, and makeup artist?

I started feeling a level of cognitive dissonance I cannot describe.

I then decided to color my hair for the shoot and got a balayage done for the first time. I also had multiple conversations with my friends about body insecurity and how I didn’t know how to model at the time. I was terrified about how I would look on camera.

Chapter 7: Trip to New York

I then left for New York the day after my finals. My exam ended on the night of my flight. I finished it at 10 p.m. and then had my flight at 3 a.m. the same night. I didn’t sleep all night and just kept packing. I landed in New York around 8 a.m. and then shockingly met a Tibetan-Nepali Uber driver, who made me feel very welcome.

When I landed, Deborah and I had a call about the flight, my sleep deprivation, and how the past few days had been a whirlwind. She had some news for me, one piece good, the other not so much. The good news was that she had connected with someone from a famous magazine, which was exciting for the potential media campaign aspect of the project. The bad news? She still needed more time to finish the dress and needed me to pick up flowers from a custom flower shop. I had never navigated New York’s public transport alone so that first day was stressful yet exciting. Getting the flowers, I felt like a fashion intern in New York City.

Description: My view inside of the flower shop (Credit: Jagriti)

She also mentioned that scheduling conflicts might prevent the photoshoot. At that moment, I had to decide—would I be the person who panics at every little uncertainty, or would I embrace the challenge and make the best of whatever comes my way?

I chose the latter.

The next few days in New York were intense. I met new relatives, saw a few sights, and squeezed in dress fittings at Deborah’s place, which was amazing. Meeting her in person for the first time, I could see just how passionate, dedicated, and creative she is. This project clearly means the world to her, and she’s willing to pour everything she has into making it a reality.

I have to give her credit for her relentlessness, courage to start something ahead of its time, and bravery to follow her heart, even when it is tough.

Description: Deborah working on the garment (Photo Credit:Jagriti)

After we finished the fittings, we learned a lot about what needed tweaking—like how the flower would bloom in zero gravity and how the overall look would come together. Feeling the fabric on my body made the project finally feel real, which was incredibly exciting. I’m so grateful to Deborah for taking the time to listen to my suggestions and infuse her expertise into the process.

Then, it was the last day of my stay in New York—the day of the shoot, which I still wasn’t sure would happen. I was anxious. Deborah called me to say her daughter was sick and that the shoot would go on, but she unfortunately wouldn’t be able to attend. She asked if I was okay going solo. Even though I had no real modeling experience, I was determined to push myself and make it happen. I was nervous about whether I could produce photos that would do justice to the project, but I decided to go for it. I have to give Deborah huge credit here.

Despite everything, she managed to pull together numerous resources to make the shoot happen.

Despite everything in her life, she found a way to keep working on her purpose.

Chapter 8: The Shoot

On my third day in New York, I woke up early, and started doing my hair while feeling excited and anxious. I told myself, "Just do your best; that will have to be enough." I skipped breakfast, realizing how challenging modeling could be, which gave me a newfound respect for those in fashion and media.

I then headed to the shoot location. However, the traffic made me late, adding to my stress and hunger. As I arrived, I reminded myself to enjoy the process, knowing how unlikely it is that I could even be there. The makeup artist and the photographer were anxious due to my lateness. They asked if I was a dancer or athlete, which confused them when I said no. I was just an undergraduate student in aerospace from Canada that somehow had stumbled into high fashion in New York City. It was the first time since arriving in North America that I didn’t feel a sense of belonging.

My mind went blank under the pressure, and I struggled to connect with them initially.

As the makeup artist worked on me, she expressed frustration over my tardiness, which increased my anxiety even more. I stayed quiet, even when she dismissed my suggestion about lipstick color. Needing a moment to breathe, I took a break in the washroom and returned to see the dress. Deborah had poured her heart and sleepless nights into it.

Putting it on and with the makeup now completed, I finally felt a surge of confidence.

Description: Jagriti, after having her makeup done for the shoot and a glimpse of the studio

(Photo Credit: Jagriti, Makeup by: Annette Bragas Makeup)

The actual shoot was definitely a turning point. The photographer, Jennifer, played my favorite songs, setting the mood for the shoot. I was asked to jump on a trampoline to mimic zero gravity. With each jump, I marveled at my reality. I could not believe that this was my life. The makeup artist, who had been critical earlier, now looked at me in awe.

Description: A video of me during the shoot (Video Credit: Jagriti)

Description: A video of me jumping on the trampoline to mimic Zero Gravity momentarily (Video Credit: Jagriti)

For me, it was a lesson in the duality of high fashion, where harsh critique and warm praise often coexist to achieve the best possible outcome.

The shoot ended with a sense of accomplishment and a huge sense of relief. Despite all my doubts, I had done it. By then, the team and I had fully bonded, laughing together, and the makeup artist praised my performance, even offering to work with me again. I explained that I lived in Canada, but the offer felt like a dream I didn't know I had come true.

As we parted ways, a deep happiness settled over me. The project with Aurelia was complete, and I spent the rest of the day reflecting and enjoying New York. However, one reflection stood out to me the most. It was about body image. Sometimes, I struggle with my body image about whether I look good enough. And society puts a lot of pressure on women to always look perfect, so everyone has an internal criticism mechanism not to feel good enough. But the interesting thing about body dysmorphia is that our internal experiences of ourselves and how we look on the outside don't always match. So, when I looked at the pictures from the shoot, I was shocked.

Why was I so worried about my body? How it looked?

It was always good enough.

Description: Photos of Jagriti from the Shoot ((Click on one image to view as a slide show) Credit- Photo Ownership: @_abracadeborah_

Photographer: @katzmanphotography

Makeup Artist: @annettebragasmua

Brand: @piscesrising_world

Studio: @youngstudiosnyc

In the evening, after reconnecting with my relatives in New York, I could sense their love and admiration for my pursuit of dreams and passions. It’s not easy to chase something like this, and it felt good knowing they were proud of me for doing so. Leaving New York, my heart was full, and I was eager for the adventure ahead. The weightlessness I’d soon experience, not just in the brief moments during the shoot but the real thing. I was about to enter a world that only a handful of people on Earth have ever known.

And I wasn’t just doing it for myself; I was carrying my culture, heritage, and nation, Nepal, into a zero-gravity environment, a representation that even fewer people have experienced. It was not doing it for novelty alone, but as I mentioned before, this experience has held so much meaning since my childhood.

My childhood dream was unfolding in a way beyond my wildest imagination. It’s incredible how, during tough times, we forget that life can become so good that you wouldn’t even know how to ask for it.

My life had gotten so good that I wouldn't know how to ask for it, especially after last year.

Chapter 9: Back Home

Returning to Fredericton after New York, I thought things would ease up, but they didn’t. The next climb on my mountain was managing my own psychology. I had to create an entire camera system, develop the narrative and story of the project, and ensure everything was in place for the flight. At the same time, I was engaged in multiple other pursuits, which demanded my attention and energy. Those few weeks in Fredericton were far from easy. All the stress I’d been managing started to take a toll on my mental clarity. I felt alone in the project, not because I lacked support, but because no one else could fully understand what I had just gone through.

I feel like that is often the price of doing something new and extraordinary, being misunderstood and, at times, standing alone.

There were moments of self-doubt and burnout, but I reminded myself that the purpose behind this project was bigger than any of the challenges I faced. I had to push myself to grow and meet the level of this project rather than bring the project down to where I was.

During this time, I also reflected on the privilege of having supportive parents who didn’t just offer emotional backing but also concrete financial support. Without them, this journey wouldn’t have been possible. This wasn’t something I took lightly. I often asked them, “How do poor people progress if you need financial reserves to do anything worthy or even get started?” Even with talent and hard work, financial support is crucial. And even though I had made the flight itself free, there were countless other expenses that wouldn’t have been possible without my parents stepping up.

They didn’t just tell me they supported me; they showed it in every way possible. I knew I could not tell this story without mentioning this detail.

Chapter 10: Boston Days

As the trip to Boston approached, I felt a mix of fear, self-doubt, excitement, and possibility. Boston, with its connection to Harvard and MIT, felt like a place that would potentially play a significant role in the next step of my career journey. Yet, I was still alone, navigating the details of the project in a new city. The disparity in wealth I witnessed upon arriving in Boston reminded me of the larger questions about education and its real-world applications. However, I refocused on my project and mission, knowing I was in the right place.

The first night in Boston, I met with the Aurelia team and introduced myself to people who were about to join me on the Zero-G flight. It was a room full of impressive individuals - entrepreneurs, engineers, and policy leaders. Yet, despite my accomplishments, I still wondered if I deserved to be there. I realized that just being in that room, without compromising who I am or taking shortcuts, meant I had done something right. People’s eyes lit up with awe and excitement whenever I explained my project. Pursuing something as unique as integrating arts and fashion into the space sector was not easy, but the right people made me feel it was all worth it.

I had created something new in the world, and that alone was enough reason to be in the room.

After that night, I felt rejuvenated and believed I would have enough stamina to make it through the week to the best of my ability. However, for the next few days, I had to shift my focus back to my other projects because I was trying to make multiple things happen simultaneously with Aurelia and MIT Media Lab. Juggling past, present, and future projects sometimes made staying in the present difficult.

I also want to mention a life experience many of us face while trying to achieve upward social mobility. Being present as a minority in elite spaces like MIT can sometimes cause additional stress. The pursuit of belonging and fitting in around people who did not have any resemblance to my backstory made me understand the following:

Not belonging can sometimes be a considerable cause of burnout.

So, I started to feel burnt out and felt the weight of everything.

Chapter 11: The Day Before Flight

Then, the day before the flight arrived was the TRR (Test Readiness Review) day. We started preparations for the next day after the first flight came back. It was time to set up our projects for the next day's flight. During this time, one of my friends who was supposed to help me out decided to stay back, so I was all by myself during this part of the preparation. I did make friends but mostly helped other projects because I knew how to operate GoPros.

Complete self-reliance yet again became critically important on this day.

Description: Jagriti waving her hand inside the Zero-G plane (Credit: Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp)

Description: Jagriti giving a briefing on her project on the Test Readiness Review Day

(Credit: Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp)

By the evening, I had to pay the price for successfully executing the overload of responsibilities brought on by that day. I had started to feel extremely shaken, numb, and doubtful about whether I would be able to execute the flight and the project the next day. I didn't feel like I got the level of personal support I needed, not because of anyone's fault, but because I felt like no one could understand me and what it took to create this and get to this point.

I didn't think I needed my problems to be solved; I needed not to feel alone.

I then went home to my Airbnb and for the next two hours, I prepared for the next day. I set up all my cameras, charged all the batteries, and kept the dress in the bag I was supposed to carry. Then I showered. I tried to fall asleep, but I was still feeling extremely anxious by the day because I had been chronically executing at a level beyond my capacity. I had crossed the line of my capability, and the primary day was yet to come.

So, at 11:00 PM, in that lonely Airbnb room, I could not fall asleep.

I knew if I couldn't sleep, that would impact my mental clarity and flight day the next day, which added even more pressure on me to fall asleep faster. That's when I decided I didn't need sleep; I needed to feel supported. However, because of the time difference, everyone in my life who knew I was this far along this journey was already asleep.

I decided to take a risk that night and call a friend, disrupting their night instead of sleeping. Asking for help was incredibly difficult but I had to have some humility. Then, I didn't know if that was going to be the wrong decision, but I had to make a quick decision because theoretically, sleep is good, but if it's loneliness and isolation that's not allowing me to sleep, I had to solve that first. I called them and talked to them for a few hours, and by 1:00 am, I felt very good; I felt heard and seen.

But I knew I had to get to the bus stop by 6:00 AM, so I would have less than five hours of sleep for the main event I had been working on for months.

At 1:00 AM, after the call, I also decided that I was done complaining, and now I was going to switch modes and make the most of this opportunity without complaining even once. That doesn't mean my struggles weren't valid, but I had given enough time to them. Now, it was time to fall asleep, wake up, and live the day I had been dreaming of for months and years.

So, I went to bed, set an alarm for 4:15 AM, and had everything ready for the next day. I slept. When I woke up at 4:15 a.m., I immediately started listening to motivational speeches to prevent any other thoughts from entering my head.

Chapter 12: Zero Gravity Flight Day

Nothing else mattered that day except me being present and giving justice to this project. That morning, I went to the washroom, straightened my hair, curled it, prepared all my makeup, packed it, and left in front of MIT Media Labs Kendall Square's bus stop.

In the early morning, I had also made a decision that I needed to do everything in my power to be present that day. So, on the bus ride, I was set on doing my journaling activity and reflecting on how proud I am of myself that now I get to fly in Zero-Gravity and just enjoy it. Throughout the bus ride, I listened to some spiritual videos as well as videos that have given me strength over the many years. I appreciated myself for not giving up even when there were many instances when giving up would have been the easy choice. So, I journaled and meditated mindfully and then called my parents on the bus ride to the hangar.

They congratulated me and were very excited that I had finally reached this destination after many, many, many steps.

We then reached the hangar, and I started getting started on the makeup immediately. I also connected with an older aerospace engineer over our life philosophies. Everyone else I had met so far, I had connected with more superficially, but with this person, it felt like we were on the same wavelength. He had the intelligence and, more importantly, the wisdom to support me. Just like the start of my NYC fashion shoot was a tipping point, he certainly was as well. He loved my project, my vision, and my story. And the lesson repeated yet again: wanting to be liked only by the right people is important. After that point, there was an hour of trying to figure out the logistical details of the flight and the security clearance, and then slowly, the actual flight time started approaching.

The last few moments felt rushed, and we all found ourselves walking out of the hangar. We all took some photos in front of the zero-gravity plane, group pictures, and, of course, some jumping pictures in front of the plane. Finally, everyone's hard work, including Zero-G staff, the employees of Aurelia, the other project members, and the actual flyers, had paid off.

Description: Jagriti posing with the Horizon 2024 Cohort (Credit: Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp)

Please swipe to see more.

Description: Jagriti flaunts her PiscesRising dress in front of the G Force-One Airplane

(Credit: Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp)

Please swipe to see more.

I started approaching the plane in a dress designed by a high-fashion designer for the future of space civilization, representing my country and my heritage. The dress had rhododendrons attached to it, which the zero-gravity environment would reveal. This would be the perfect fusion of individual determination, teamwork, vision, and perseverance on the personal side, and technology, culture, futurism, inspiration, and endless possibilities on the project side. I entered the plane and learned I was assigned to one of the front-row seats, so I had the entire view of the plane right in front of me, where everyone would fly.

I was still taking videos of myself about how I was feeling just before the flight, the excitement, and the thrill.

Description: Jagriti giving a review of the pre-flight feelings (Credit: Jagriti)

Chapter 13: Inside the Plane

Some of the other flyers sitting beside me shared that they were very anxious about the flight, but shockingly, I didn't feel any fear. I almost felt like this is where I belonged. I had been looking for belonging throughout my stay in Boston and fully felt it inside the plane. I also expressed to the other flyers that I had done an aerobatic flight. I had done skydiving before, but this flight didn't represent a scary adventure for me; it represented envisioning how I would feel when I went to space one day.

Then the plane took off, and for 20 minutes, as the plane got to altitude, we were all basking in the emotions and the excitement of being weightless in a few minutes.

Description: Jagriti giving a thumbs up seated in the front row inside of the Zero-G plane

(Credit: Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp)

However, the very final logistics of the flight just before the weightlessness were still quite stressful.

Because the plane was on an incline, we had five minutes to change our shoes. We had to crawl up the plane and then set up our cameras all within five minutes. All of this was done before we began the parabolas. Those five minutes were adrenaline-inducing. It took only five minutes for me to actually be weightless. I was so close.

The only work after this was going to be about being present. Then, I and the artists walked really fast to change our shoes, keep the materials, and then turn on the cameras. All within 5 minutes, but that day, I didn't feel alone because the friend who was assigned to help me out was present. So she helped me turn all my cameras on, fix the angles, and make sure I could capture the experience of a lifetime I was about to experience.

That was especially critical because the outputs of some of the other projects like engineering was data, but for a project like mine with fashion, it was going to be photos and videos. So if I failed to turn on the cameras, I would have had a zero-gravity experience but not a project.

Description: Jagriti setting up the GoPro Camera inside the Zero-G plane (Credit: Jagriti)

Then, I put on my special shoes, turned on the cameras, and lay down on my assigned spot. The flight coaches yelled, "Get ready." I braced for the floor to disappear and knew I needed to keep recording to capture my initial reaction. Fortunately, Deborah had added a pocket to my dress, which proved essential. This was just a testament to her detail-orientedness and the attention to the functionality of spacewear. As the pilot announced, "Now we are ready," the plane tilted at an angle I'd never felt before. We reached the dip, and the photographer arrived for the initial Martian, lunar, and zero-gravity parabolas.

Now, before we continue, I want to first explain how Zero Gravity Flights work based on a poster I made and a video:

Description: A poster to explain how Zero-Gravity flights work (Created by Jagriti)

Description: A video explaining how Zero-G flights work Credit: Interesting Engineering on YouTube

Chapter 14: Jagriti is Now Weightless

The floor disappeared from underneath me. My body slowly started to rise to the ceiling. My hair started flowing in all three dimensions. The bright red rhododendron flowers on my body began to blossom. My heart felt grateful. My head felt present. I was in the flow state. I was free.

I was alive.

Even further, I was weightless. I was experiencing zero gravity while representing my culture, the Nepalese heritage, in Space Fashion.

I filmed my first reaction during the initial parabola, capturing the memorable moment. I managed to be fully present while getting everything I needed. When the photographer asked me to pose during the Martian gravity phase, I tried to model in semi-weightlessness.

I wished the photographer had come towards the end when I’d be more comfortable. However, I accepted being photographed at the start and made peace with it, thanks to my preparation with my own cameras. I had ensured the experience was captured as needed, so I could relax about other people's recordings.

Description: Jagriti posing in some initial photos in Lunar and Martian Gravity (Credit: Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp)

So, you might be wondering by this point. How did being in zero gravity and weightless truly feel? Here is a short clip showing just that:

Description: a short video of Jagriti experiencing Zero-Gravity (Credit: Jagriti)

Well, initially, I adapted quickly to the zero-gravity phase, which surprised me given the usual struggle people face. It felt like I had muscle memory from the years of watching weightlessness videos. Despite struggling with belonging, I felt truly at home in zero gravity. After the photographer left, I had 17 more parabolas to go. While others said the experience would fly by very quickly, to me, it felt slow. My meditation and journaling sessions that morning had helped me stay fully present. Even scientific research supports that presence makes time feel slower.

For me, my ability to be fully present was a significant achievement, allowing me to experience the flight without any regrets.

Instead of just feeling each parabola pass, I set an intention for each one, finding meaning and flowing with them. Between the ninth and thirteenth parabolas, I decided to have fun by crawling around the plane, mixing planned modeling poses with playful exploration. From my New York shoot, I had learned that actually having fun leads to the most authentic pictures.

I was grateful for my body’s support, especially when others struggled with motion sickness.

I also felt like a child again, free to explore and play without worries. Weightlessness brought out a sense of wonder I hadn’t expected. The dress, which Deborah and I had meticulously designed for zero gravity, exceeded all my expectations. Seeing it bloom beautifully, the contrast of the black and the red against the white background was deeply fulfilling. I felt that our work would have a meaningful impact not just as a short story, but in the long-term trajectory of space civilization and in showcasing what Nepali women and girls are capable of. During the weightless experience, I also realized that whenever I feel impostor syndrome or self-doubt, I need to remind myself that everything I've achieved comes from hard work, attention to detail, and perseverance. There’s no other way I would be flying in a space fashion design from a startup at MIT's Media Lab in Boston after our family’s journey to settle in a new country.

Description: More still shots of Jagriti in Zero Gravity (Credit: Jagriti)

Please swipe to see more.

With five parabolas left, I followed my instincts, enjoying each and every single moment. The final parabola was particularly special—I performed a 360° turn in weightlessness, trusting myself and my experience. I executed it flawlessly as well.

After the parabolas, I recorded my feelings immediately to capture the moment's essence. Reviewing the footage from all my cameras, I saw that I had captured everything I aimed for. My attention to detail and past project experience had paid off, and I felt a surge of confidence. As we descended, I recorded another reaction video and enjoyed some snacks, savoring the flight back down. It was a joy-filled tiredness despite the fatigue, knowing I still had thousands of girls to inspire.

Description: Jagriti describes her feelings right after the flight (Credit: Jagriti)

Chapter 15: Inspiring Girls

I was requested to create an Instagram takeover series for SpacePrize, an organization that focuses on inspiring young girls to enter the field of aerospace. I agreed, and so, for the entire day, I was also simultaneously a mini Instagram influencer.

It turns out that inspiration is no easy task. I spent the rest of the day encapsulating the entire experience—describing the dress, the project, and my journey—to an audience that doesn’t yet know me. I included videos and footage of me floating in zero gravity so that little girls could envision themselves accomplishing the same some day. I also paid tribute to my younger self, incorporating a photograph of her into the story, helping girls at that age to see that they are in a place now where they can dream of being where I was at that moment. This experience significantly heightened my respect for influencers; continuous media engagement is no small feat, especially when you're tasked with conveying a meaningful narrative to young minds. I continued my role as a social media influencer until around 10:00 pm that night. Typically, the job of an influencer would not appeal to me, but this time, I felt a deep connection to the role, convinced that it was worth sharing with others. Finally, at around 10:30 PM, I completed my social media duties and could finally relax.

Description: Screenshots of the Instagram Stories for SpacePrize (Credit: Jagriti)

Click on one photo to see it as a slideshow.

The rest of my stay in Boston was wonderful, and I had successfully concluded the project—or had I?

Chapter 16: Back to Normality?

It has been months since the project was completed, and recounting this whole experience has been the most challenging reflective writing journey I've ever taken. I think it will take me a few years to realize what I have done here fully because what we make makes us. Still, I'm going to take satisfaction in the fact that I dared to listen to my inner voice to keep pushing through challenges.

Since the beginning, I have known that this project would not be about speed. It would be about quality, and that still hasn't changed. I started the project by being myself and finishing it just as I am. Like the rhododendrons, I knew that creating something new requires time and space to grow, bloom, and blossom. Now that I have recounted the entire experience, the project has gotten the water, sunshine, and nutrients from the soil it needed to be fully alive. It feels like the flower is finally opening to be witnessed in all its beauty and to make a difference in the world.

With that said, this process was also incredibly isolating, and I often struggled due to burnout, feeling misunderstood, and sacrificing my sanity. I now understand that this is the terrain of creative expression. As humans, we struggle with uncertainty; the artist's job is to swim in the ocean of this chaos consistently. The process is painful and often feels unbearable. Despite this pain, nothing else felt like more of a worthy pursuit to me.

Even at the beginning, I had mentioned the thin line between creativity and madness and stupidity versus genius. Only time will tell where I lie.

As Vincent Van Gogh once said,

For the project, this deeply resonates with me. I did lose my mind—countless times.

Also, because so much of the project was self-directed, I often felt like an orchestra conductor. Not only that, I felt like I was also the one playing the musical instruments. The guider and the guided all in one.

Despite this, I have reflected on who I was in this story. The answer?

Someone who was scared but acted fearless. That is how I want to be remembered.

Chapter 17: Lessons

For the project itself, I've tried to transform the lessons into broader implications for the world as a whole:

Description: A poster explaining the broader implications of this project (Created by Jagriti)

On my personal journey, this project represents overcoming the adversities and trauma of last year. Some of the things I have shared in this blog are intimate, and I feel pretty vulnerable sharing them. But last year forced me to refine my character as a person and gain important clarity about my core values in life. Last year showed me that there can be a lot of suffering in life and it is easy to go silent about them and let our lives turn into a tragedy.

But I now have a rule that I will never suffer silently and will discourage others from doing so, especially when it is not our fault.

My life will NOT be a sad story. It can have sad components, but that cannot be the end. I will not be a victim of my own existence. Instead, I became larger than what happened to me.

I have also learned that where you come from does not have to determine where you get to. Somewhere in between, we have a choice—the freedom to choose our own lives.

Another lesson has been on the importance of transcendence in life. Keeping the lessons of the Bhagwat Gita close to my heart, I have learned that we cannot solve our problems with the same levels of consciousness that created them. We must elevate our consciousness and detach from the fruits of our labor. Finally, as someone with no connections or legacy in the aerospace industry, I have always had to create my own path. For this journey, avidly reading books has been a critical guiding light. Some of them are sprinkled throughout this blog, but I want to mention one last one. This book gave me the right lesson to execute my wild idea at the right time.

The book is The Third Door by Alex Banayan. It is about:

Life, business, success…it’s just like a nightclub. There are always three ways in. There’s the First Door: the main entrance, where the line curves around the block; where 99 percent of people wait around, hoping to get in. There’s the Second Door: the VIP entrance, where the billionaires, celebrities, and the people born into it slip through. But what no one tells you is that there is always, always…the Third Door. It’s the entrance where you have to jump out of line, run down the alley, bang on the door a hundred times, crack open the window, sneak through the kitchen — there’s always a way. Whether it’s how Bill Gates sold his first piece of software or how Steven Spielberg became the youngest studio director in Hollywood history, they all took…the Third Door.

I had to find the third door to even have access to this opportunity, but the amount of punching the windows and pushing the door has injured me a little bit. Most people don't go through the third door because it has a higher price, and I'm very proud of myself for being willing to pay the price.

So now I'm going to relax and rest. I hope in doing this project I have left the world a little bit better place than I found it.

Chapter 18: Thank you

I want to end this blog with deep gratitude. Although the story above is from my perspective, I must thank people whose support has been paramount in the success of this project.

Firstly, my family members, mom, dad, and sister, for always being my anchor and making me feel safe enough to spread my wings and fly. My closest friendships and relationships always pick me up when I am down and give me the strength to keep moving forward. For Deborah, who had the vision and the courage to pursue a dream ahead of its time. For the Aurelia Institute for instigating the Horizon Zero Gravity Program for democratizing access to space and the Zero-G Corporation for supporting this important pursuit with the infrastructure. To you, the reader, I want to say thank you. Throughout this whole project and myself, the longing has been for a girl from an underdeveloped country like Nepal, a recent immigrant, and a minority to feel seen. Thank you for seeing my work. Thank you for seeing me.

So often, when I felt like both the orchestra conductor and the musical instrument player, I felt unheard.

Thank you for hearing my music.

Thank you for hearing me.

I want to tell you I am not extraordinary. Last year, I felt broken and unfixable. If you are in a dark period in your life, I just want to say this: when it is all dark, and you are looking everywhere for the light, please do not forget that you might be the light. The future of humanity in space is exhilarating. You can be a part of it. This future will require people who have come alive and express themselves fully. My question to you is: How are you going to come alive? What is waiting to be expressed in you? Next, I am grateful to myself for withstanding isolation, burnout, feeling misunderstood, and countless sacrifices only for a slight chance of feeling connected, full of vitality, the possibility of being understood, and the choice to make worthy sacrifices. I am indebted to my 9-year-old self. If I were to have a conversation with her right now, I know she would say something like, "You kept our dream alive. You never betrayed me." On the other hand, I am thankful for my future 80-year-old self. I can imagine her saying, "You left me with no regrets. Thank you for having the courage to live your own life." These are the only two people I never want to disappoint.

Finally, I am grateful to my ancestors. My great-grandmother(on mom's side) was a child bride married off at age 7. My grandmother(on dad's side) had 6 out of 9 children die due to high infant mortality rates being under absolute poverty.

I was never destined to get this far but throughout this experience, I carried their essence with me. Living a life, they never got to live. Their unimaginable strength carries me forward and propels me to deeper depths and higher heights.

Thank you, life.

So,

This is the story about the courage to innovate. Going from zero to one. This is the story of how I live life from the inside out, not the outside in.

This is the story of how you can be scared but act fearless. This is the story of the freedom to choose life before death. This is the story of not letting my life become a sad story about silent suffering.

This is the story of taking chances and making my own if they were not given. This is the story of how to turn "The unlived life can make us sick" to "Truly coming alive can heal us." This is the story of trying to be loved, not liked.

This is the story of not letting the fire within my soul extinguish. This is the story of how I started truly living again and how it fixed my soul.

This is the story of how I conquered myself.

This is the story of Zero Gravity: How I Became Weightless while Representing Nepal in Space Fashion.

You can watch my full video of the experience of this story here:

Description: A video of Jagriti floating in Zero Gravity while representing Nepalese Rhododendrons by wearing a garment made by PiscesRising

(Garment created by Deborah Won, Video created by Jagriti)

Video Footage credit: Jagriti, Ashly Covington, and Blaga Ditrow / Zero-G Corp

Music credit: Hans Zimmer, Interstellar

Description: A blooper of Jagriti falling on the ground, hehe :)

Credit: Ashly Covington / Zero-G Corp

Next up, Space? :) As usual, thank you for reading. Consider subscribing to my email list so the posts come directly to you.